Complicated Life Decisions

My decision to start this blog came as a revelation based around developing uncertainty within my mind. As a twenty one year old about to finish college, I've begun to question the many different life directions I could embrace in my future. I feel that I have a relatively strong idea of what I'm doing after college, but even still, the worrywart in me keeps reinforcing that choices I make now will effect the turn my life will take, not just in the coming five years, but for the remainder of my days.

Since I am applying to graduate school for social work, in some ways, it feels my path is rather clear yet murky. What is certain is I want to live a life of service and aid as a social worker, what is uncertain is where that will be and for how long I will be there. All factors, which in the grand scheme of things, seems rather puny to worry about in comparison to the amount of homelessness and joblessness occurring right now in my home state of Michigan.

What this decision really comes down to is a matter of difficulty and comfort. I have applied to one school in Michigan, one in Boston, and one in New York. In some ways, attending the school in Michigan would be an easy choice to make. It would be within the parameters of what I view as comfortable and in many ways would not challenge me as greatly within the context of the environment, not the classroom. Living in New York or Boston would be a major lifestyle change for me. I must admit that I'm a little anxious about the prospect of figuring out the subway system in new york. I assume I would eventually adjust, but I feel in some ways I'd have to change to fit the city instead of finding somewhere that fit me. Boston, the city of my birth, has always had a special place in my heart and seems to fit me quite well; it would still be an adjustment, but certainly not as drastic as the change to new york life.

What this whole decision really comes down to is: what do I want? why do I want it? and, what is behind my decisions? I feel a good decision can be made for the wrong reason and a bad decision can be made for a good reason. Making a decision solely based on comfort level and degree of city difficulty would be the wrong choice and would be doing myself a disservice. There are almost too many things to consider in relation to each other and this seems to be pushing me to make a decision of calculation instead of passion. Because if this was a decision based solely on location, I would have already been sold on Boston years ago, but this is also a choice of importance of school, cost, and, ofcourse, acceptance. Don't get me wrong, I'm fortunate to have so many choices and opportunities in my life, but the prospect of making a singular decision that will have lifelong ramifications is daunting to say the least.

So this is one of many thoughts that lead me to create this blog. My thoughts are always brewing and forming interesting conclusions; might as well share them with some other people, right? I'm sure there will be more information coming on my future plans once I make some decisions. I also plan to talk about many other topics, including movies, social justice issues, college life, music, and anything else that pops into my head. Thanks for putting up with my disjointed train of thought and reading up to this point. I'll be back soon!

love and hugs,
the curious girl :)