The Beauty in Bodies

One thing that continues to amaze me is the beauty we can acquire in other people’s eyes. Individuals live their days in routines, rare events, and frequent actions. Our bodies become familiar to us to the point that we become blind to their curves and strengths through the passage of time. What we naturally possess becomes simply another attribute of ourselves that we seem unaware of, like repressed memories or forgotten facts. In our fragmented vision, we can only see segments of our body that make up the entirety of our being, but by engaging with others, we become whole.

In our youth, we feel unfamiliar to ourselves and seek out self discovery. Each individual employs various methods to achieve this, but all lead to some degree of physical understanding. Cases of sexual abuse and assault can severely deform these perceptions and can lead individuals to seek solace through increased displays of sexuality or abstinence. No matter the reasons and modes of self detection, through interaction with the outside world, most individuals come to see the incarnation of their wants, thoughts, and desires in their bodies. This interface can be viewed as the great human mirror, a surface upon which we see ourselves through other individuals and form self understanding in contrast or complement to their views of our outward trappings.

This personification of the body is often achieved through interaction with the outside world, which serves as a forum to imitate or alter perceptions of both the inner and outer self. By engaging with the external epitome of their being, the person interacts with individuals who provide clues to their outward perception of the individual, which can become the ingrained opinion of the person being examined. However, if the individual feels the assessment of the outward self does not complement the hidden inner self, these perceptions may be received with resistance, opposition, or role confusion.

These views do not only pertain to outward appearance, but also to the relationship of bodies to inner functioning or secret longing. Appearance does not always mediate personality and sometimes individuals can be a wealth of contradictions that others cannot unravel. No matter the contradiction imbedded in the individual, it is certain that many will come back to perceptions of their bodies, desires, and perceived intent. Because, in the end, bodies are where everything starts and everything returns.

After a hard workout, I hopped in the shower and began to form my thoughts on this corporeal matter. I stood under the water and faced it as it hit me. I slowly washed and examined every curve and sinew of my body. To me, it’s simply another facet of who I’ve become and the physicality I’m able to engage in my life. The shape of my body has its splendor, but it has slowly changed in my eyes through the familiarity of my knowing glance. Under foreign vision, our bodies transform from parts to entire beings filled with grace. Quizzically, I wonder what it would be like to be viewed through the eyes of another; softly laughing to myself, I realize that I will never truly know what beauty my form contains to the unfamiliar eye.

Love and hugs,
the curious girl :)

LADY GAGA LOVE

During the first weekend in December, I headed out to Los Angeles for my aunt's wedding. After leaving Dayton half an hour late, I realized that I would almost miss my connecting flight to LAX. Knowing that I was behind schedule and since I’m an athlete who knows how to pump myself up, I made a detailed plan involving Lady Gaga and running from terminal C to terminal A in less than 15 minutes. Before heading off the plane, I threw on my headphones and ran off the plane listening to the joyous sounds of Lady Gaga. With “Bad Romance” blaring in my ears, I sprinted on the moving walk, dodging people left and right. By the time I got to “I Like It Rough” and “Paparazzi,” I was racing through the brightly colored tunnel between the terminals. Not far behind me, the fifteen other people running to the LAX flight added to my sense of urgency and made the moment even more surreal.

Baby you’ll be famous, chase you down until you love me.

Between flashing lights behind colored maps, everyone became blurs hurrying along the moving walk, diving around slow walkers in hope of making the flight. Through pure luck, we made it with minutes to spare. In the end, I gave Lady Gaga the credit since her music inspired my fastest sprinting.

In the past year, I’ve discovered how much I love both her and her music. After hearing “Just Dance,” I thought that she was just another flash in the pan, someone who would be here one minute and gone the next; boy was I wrong! I never realized what special a performer she was until I saw the music video for "Pokerface" and heard her perform on TV. What a voice! She has such a strong and unique style, which is based on what inspires her instead of what sells the most records. Her style and opinions alienate many, yet there are also countless people who love her and find inspiration in her ability succeed by harnessing her oddities into song and presentation. Even one of my best friends, who is super into metal, loves her; Lady Gaga is certainly not someone who many can remain neutral about. If she were trying to create a safe image, her orbit style headdress, leotards, and bubble dress would not be the way to go.

Through youtube and other news sources, I recently heard that many believe Lady Gaga might be a hermaphrodite, because of video and photographic evidence. There were a lot of comments on these videos saying how horrible she is and how much they dislike her, which was exactly opposite of how I felt. When I heard this, I thought “this is amazing!” When I read about this possibility, my first thought was of one of my favorite books, “Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides, which is the astonishing story of Cal, or Calliope, a hermaphrodite from Michigan who traces his Greek lineage, familial history, and personal transformation in this marvelous book. Lady Gaga has such wonderful support from the gay community and many fans throughout the world. If this rumor turned out to be true, I don’t think it would make me dislike her and, in fact, it might make me appreciate her even more. What I love about Lady Gaga could best be summed up by her own words on Ellen. She stated that her music is about creating a safe space for people who are different to embrace themselves and be accepted as they are. What more can you really ask from music besides for that.

Love and hugs,
the curious girl :)

Complicated Life Decisions

My decision to start this blog came as a revelation based around developing uncertainty within my mind. As a twenty one year old about to finish college, I've begun to question the many different life directions I could embrace in my future. I feel that I have a relatively strong idea of what I'm doing after college, but even still, the worrywart in me keeps reinforcing that choices I make now will effect the turn my life will take, not just in the coming five years, but for the remainder of my days.

Since I am applying to graduate school for social work, in some ways, it feels my path is rather clear yet murky. What is certain is I want to live a life of service and aid as a social worker, what is uncertain is where that will be and for how long I will be there. All factors, which in the grand scheme of things, seems rather puny to worry about in comparison to the amount of homelessness and joblessness occurring right now in my home state of Michigan.

What this decision really comes down to is a matter of difficulty and comfort. I have applied to one school in Michigan, one in Boston, and one in New York. In some ways, attending the school in Michigan would be an easy choice to make. It would be within the parameters of what I view as comfortable and in many ways would not challenge me as greatly within the context of the environment, not the classroom. Living in New York or Boston would be a major lifestyle change for me. I must admit that I'm a little anxious about the prospect of figuring out the subway system in new york. I assume I would eventually adjust, but I feel in some ways I'd have to change to fit the city instead of finding somewhere that fit me. Boston, the city of my birth, has always had a special place in my heart and seems to fit me quite well; it would still be an adjustment, but certainly not as drastic as the change to new york life.

What this whole decision really comes down to is: what do I want? why do I want it? and, what is behind my decisions? I feel a good decision can be made for the wrong reason and a bad decision can be made for a good reason. Making a decision solely based on comfort level and degree of city difficulty would be the wrong choice and would be doing myself a disservice. There are almost too many things to consider in relation to each other and this seems to be pushing me to make a decision of calculation instead of passion. Because if this was a decision based solely on location, I would have already been sold on Boston years ago, but this is also a choice of importance of school, cost, and, ofcourse, acceptance. Don't get me wrong, I'm fortunate to have so many choices and opportunities in my life, but the prospect of making a singular decision that will have lifelong ramifications is daunting to say the least.

So this is one of many thoughts that lead me to create this blog. My thoughts are always brewing and forming interesting conclusions; might as well share them with some other people, right? I'm sure there will be more information coming on my future plans once I make some decisions. I also plan to talk about many other topics, including movies, social justice issues, college life, music, and anything else that pops into my head. Thanks for putting up with my disjointed train of thought and reading up to this point. I'll be back soon!

love and hugs,
the curious girl :)